Needless to say I should have moved out of Jacob’s earlier, but I didn’t. It was a lot, and I checked out nearly for the whole year. It was all pretty traumatic, and deep. I was in a place of unknown. I was literally stunned and didn’t know how to deal or what to do. My breaking point hit me when deciding to move out, was waking up and realizing that my mental health, food, and self care was circling the drain. I should have left earlier. (Should have), but I didn’t and I can’t put myself down for not.

I said yes, because he finally got his head out of his ass and stopped over thinking things. He told me that he owe’d me, getting married that is. When we broke that down, he meant that I had been with him through a lot, and I was still there for him. He doesn’t have the knack for saying things kindly. He told me, if he were going to get married to anyone it would be me. He told me he didn’t want to go through the whole meeting someone and falling in love with someone again thing.

I said yes because we make a good match. He is my best friend, and we accept each other for who we are and don’t try to change one another. We have a lot of fun together, and love each other unconditionally. These are the reasons why I didn’t leave, because despite the huge difference at the time these other things existed.

—Also at the end of the day, when all things were said and done… he didn’t want to loose me. How can you say no to that, plus all of the other things.

I do have to say… I kind of wished the space between him and I getting back together were longer. I really wanted some time to myself to breathe and work through some things on my own. I could have set that boundary, but moving back in seemed like the right thing to do, with all of the other things going on.

Am I scared? of course. I’m going to be spending the rest of my life with one person. I will be sharing some of the most intimate moments of my life with them. We will be sharing finances, a house, parenting, and more with each other. All new to the both of us and uncomfortable. Also… Joyful, because we have picked each other.